One of these things is not like the others..

At times, it's been a little awkward for us here in India, partly because we aren't sure how to identify ourselves. People ask (in possibly the only English words they know): "You, Indian?"

I'd like to tell them. Well, yes and no. Our parents are Gujarati, but we identify ourselves as Americans. USA is home. But we can speak Gujarati, and I can understand and speak a little Hindi. But we don't know Oriya (the local language). We are familiar with some Indian customs, the religious beliefs our parents taught us, and general Indian thoughts on certain issues. We had an Indian wedding, too. Yes, I know what Holi is and who Shahrukh Khan is. But no, I don't eat rice and dal with my hands. Yes, we are married. But no, I don't wear sindoor or a mangal sutra.

I guess I didn't realize how nuanced our answer would be to a simple question like that. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how confusing it all is. I think it's helped me sympathize with people who seem to have no idea what to say to us. I've broken the ice with many of the people who speak Hindi, but the others are much harder to befriend. Still, we have made some friends with the hospital staff, and one of the paramedics ("sisters" as they call them here) has even decided to call Nilit "Jijaji" (an affectionate term for brother-in-law). I found out that the more I talk, the more comfortable they become.

All this has also made me realize how people (myself included) like to place people into a nice little bucket when they first meet them. Maybe it's curiosity and trying to fill in as many blanks as you can when you first meet someone. Maybe it's a way for our brain to figure out, as soon as possible, whether we should trust this person. I'm not sure. But whatever it is, it comes with making quick judgements and generalizations without really knowing very much. The generalizations are not always wrong, but they're not always right either. Yes, I'm American, but no I don't like football or hamburgers. Yes I'm a woman, but I don't really like shopping or makeup. None of these things are bad, they're just not me.

Anyway, its made me think about putting a stronger effort from now on to try not to do this to people I meet. Embrace the curiosity differently and just ask about who they really are. I bet they'd love to tell you.

It's also made me examine my own identity a bit. Sometimes I'm embarrassed about not knowing a certain Indian custom or religious occasion, or even just the appropriate mannerism for the moment. But then I realize, it's okay. I'm American. I was born in LA. I say "dude." Yet, I am proud of my Indian heritage too, and I carry that with me too. I bet sometimes I'm more Indian than American, even. Just how sometimes I'm a tomboy in a sportsbra, and sometimes I like dangly earrings and heels. Sometimes I geek out on engineering problems, and sometimes I zone out in front of the TV. No buckets. Just me being me, and people being themselves.

Anyway, just some thoughts to chew on... Til next time!